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About Me

Who am I? Over the past several years there has been a drastic change in the answer to this question. This is partly because I have a different view of who I am. Age tends to bring more and more clarity. The other reason is the drastic changes I have undergone. I am not the same person I was mentally or physically.

Who was I? Before my current journey began I was a number of different things.

I was a Christian. I grew up in the church. My dad was a music/youth pastor for the first 16 years of my life. My grandfather was a pastor. It is part of my heritage, yet my faith is my own.

Because of my dad's job, my family moved frequently. The longest I have ever lived in one city is 5 years. I have a love hate relationship with the frequency of my moves. I love being able to start fresh in a new place. However, I am fairly shy and have always struggled to make good friends. It seems that just about the time I feel as if I am beginning to fit in and gain a group of good friends, I move forcing me to start from scratch again.

I was a wife. I met J.R. online (not on a dating site ironically) the last semester of college. A year and a half later, we finally met in person. A year later, we were engaged and six months after we were married. That was in 2004. We now live in a little townhome in Southern California with our two cats Chase and Camie.

My babies (don't worry I rarely discuss my cats). :)
I was a daughter to two wonderful people. My mom is one of my closest friends and always has been, even during the tumultuous teenage years. She has supported me through all the ups and downs in my life and I don't know what I would do without her. My father is a loving and giving man, much like my husband. They have been together for over 30 years now.

My family after my mom and my weightloss. 2002
I was an older sister to an incredible brother. He has finally discovered what he wants to do with his life and I couldn’t be prouder. My immediate family was a tight knit group. We love each other dearly and are always in each others business. We have always been very open and honest with each other and my husband very easily found his spot within my family. 


I was a teacher. Despite my quiet nature (and some discouragement from my college adviser to not become a teacher), I am a teacher through and through. When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I wanted to be a ballet teacher. It is in my blood and I believe it is what God made me to be. I love teaching high school. They keep me on my toes and despite the attitudes from time to time are so much fun to be with day in and day out.

I was all of these things and I a still am. However, over the course of a few years my entire world seemed to crumble to the ground.

J.R. and I were desperately and unsuccessfully trying to have children. This particular saga began in 2006 and continued to plague our relationship. Then I lost my job. I was no longer a teacher. This did not initially sway me. However, after 3 years of not being able to obtain a teaching job, my world and sense of who I was, was rocked. Then my parents moved to Texas, followed by my brother a short year later.

I eventually hit rock bottom. I was horribly depressed and completely miserable. I remember one particular night scared me. It was the middle of the night and I was attempting to sleep on the couch in my living room. I was upset and began to have thoughts of how I could kill myself. 

I have dealt with depression on and off since my teenage years. Thoughts of suicide were not particularly new. Mostly, these thoughts took the form of “what if I just didn’t exist” or “the world would be better off without me” rather than actual thoughts of ending my life.

This particular night scared me because I began to think of a plan to end my life. I began to put details into my plan. That frightened me. I sat there and sobbed myself to sleep that night afraid of the limits I had been pushed toward mentally. 

I am not sure how long it took me to finally begin my current journey. I do know that particular night was my breaking point. I wasn’t having children. I didn’t have a job. My family moved away. And I was fat. Something had to give. The only one of these situations I had any control over was my weight. Thus began my journey to health and fitness.

I am one of those girls that have always struggled with my weight. As I began high school, I thought I was fat. I wasn’t. I simply wasn’t as small as all the tiny teenage girls that surrounded me. Yet, as I moved through my high school years and into college I began to pack on the pounds.

High School Graduation 1998
My brother moved to Minnesota for a year after finishing high school. When he left he made my mom promise she would lose some weight. (He did this in a very loving and caring way.) The result of this promise was when I came home for the summer, in between my junior year and last semester of college, my mother’s diet was forced on me. 

My mom referred to it as going to fat camp for the summer. I went kicking and screaming for the first two weeks. However, I was too cheap to buy the food I wanted, so I stuck to the plan. I ended up losing close to 40 pounds that summer. I continued to lose for some time totaling 60 pounds in all. I was 10 pounds away from my goal weight.

Then I met J.R. As we began dating, my dieting fell by the wayside. I began to put the weight back on. By our wedding, I put 30 pounds back on. I didn’t stop there either. I continued to gain more and more each year. J.R. and I jokingly say he was the reason I found myself overweight once again. However, the truth was the diet I was on was not a long term solution. Like so many diets, once you stop, the weight comes back. And the diet I was on was not one that would be sustainable for the long term.

September 25, 2004
Five years after our wedding, I found myself almost 250 pounds and about to move up a pant size to 22. I was miserable and ashamed of myself. I have always been a quiet and reserved person, but this added weight made me an almost recluse.
August 2008
When I finally hit rock bottom, I knew there was only one thing in my life I could actually control and I was going to do whatever it took to change what I could. I knew it had to be a lasting change and one I could live with for the rest of my life. One thing was certain, I was never turning back.

September 9, 2009 I began my journey. I began by tracking my calories. This was all I did. I did not work out at all. I really didn’t even change the food I ate. I simply made sure my calories for the day fit within a specified range.

By February 2011, I had lost over 50 pounds. Things were becoming loose and I knew it was time to begin exercising. This part scared me to death. I always hated working out. Run was a four letter word in my vocabulary. However, I knew I had to do something.

Christmas 2010 - Lost 50 pounds!


I came across a free plan online. I was impressed with the plan. It seemed like a good plan. However, I was torn about doing the nutrition portion. It was a healthy plan, but it was rather restrictive. I knew it was not a plan I could continue in the long term. Instead of punishing myself with a plan I knew I would eventually fail, I opted to simply following the exercise plan.

The exercise plan called for a 30 minute walk everyday, a kettlebell workout four times a week and weekend challenge. I am not a morning person, but February 21, 2011 I set my alarm early and was up and swinging. (The date is a bit ironic as that is the same date J.R. and I met 8 years earlier.) The first two weeks, I could barely move without pain screaming through my body. But I fell in love with those kettlebells.

Look at those guns! I was so proud of that line!
My daily walks continued to become faster and faster as I progressed. One evening I had the desire to run. So I did. For about 5 seconds, before I stopped gasping for air. But that day I began my love/hate relationship with running.

A few months later, I eventually ventured into a yoga class. The first class I took was a community class that lasted 6 weeks. It left me bored. Thankfully, I didn’t give up. I soon discovered a yoga studio and fell in love with one particular instructor. She is irreverent and doesn’t take things seriously. It is a joy to practice with her.

First time conquering a headstand!
November 2011 was a big month for me. J.R. had been cycling for over a year. He wanted me to join in his rides. So that month we bought my bike and I fell in love yet again. I discovered these tree trunk thighs were great for cycling.
First Metric Century May 2012
That same month I completed my first 5k. I was scared to death. My goal was to simply run the whole thing, which I did! It was that day my addiction to fitness was sealed. Since, I have completed a number of different 5ks and bike rides, a few triathlons, including my first Olympic length and a century ride.

My first 5K! November 2011
My life has completely changed, it is absolutely incredible. I barely recognize that fat girl anymore. Every so often J.R. will show me a picture of myself when I was fat. He will ask what happened to that girl. I simply reply, “I killed her.” And it’s true. I killed that fat girl, even though she tries to slip in my head from time to time. She is gone and buried forever. 
July 2012
I have lost ALMOST 100 pounds. I love being active. I am also teaching once again and loving my crazy job. My family is still in Texas (hoping I’ll one day move as well). There are still no kids for J.R. and I yet. But I am in a radically different state of mind. I am learning to enjoy each stage of life no matter what it brings. It flies by too quickly to sit and wallow in misery, worry, and regret. I will take the difficult time in stride because it is inevitable, they will come. But I choose not to wait on life any longer. As cliché as it sounds, I want to make the most of each moment and live my life to the fullest.

Kudos to you if you made it through all my ramblings! Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy my little journey.

6 comments:

  1. wow, what a great description of your ongoing transformation! found you through running bloggers and definitely bookmarking your site. You have really been on an amazing ride!

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  2. Thanks!! I'm so glad you found me! Look forward to sharing this ride. :)

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  3. I'm so glad I found you on Running Bloggers. Congrats on where you are in your journey! Keep up the hard work!

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  4. GET IT GIRL!!!!! Such an inspirational story!!! :) Can't wait to follow along!!

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I'd love to hear what you have to say! Otherwise, I feel like I'm talking to a wall, much like I do with my students. :)

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