Yo-yo. I feel like a yo-yo at the moment. I have been on this weight loss journey for 2 ½ years now. It’s not an unusual amount of time and I know this will be a lifelong battle. However, I want to be done with the weight loss stage. I want to move forward and I feel like I’m stuck. For the past 4 or 5 months, my weight has fluctuated a few pounds, back and forth and back and forth. It is getting old and I would just like some forward progress.
I understand the last few pounds tends to be the most difficult to lose. I get it. I am simply tired of being in this same range week after week, month after month. I have 23 pounds left to lose to meet my goal. It is so frustrating that such a small amount, compared to how far I have come, can seem so far away.
I think my biggest frustration is the fact that I do not know what to do to change things up. In the past when I hit a plateau I would simply tweak a few things here and there or try something new to get going again. This time is different. I do not know what else I can do to further my weight loss. I am at my wits end.
Another frustration comes from seeing a good friend of mine this weekend. It has been a few years since our paths have crossed and we are both completely different people. At one point, she was bigger than I was. She is now a size 2. I am beyond ecstatic for her. However, part of me feels cheated.
I have worked so long and so hard to be where I am and to still be so far away from my goal is frustrating. In talking with my brother, he reminded me that she “cheated” and that I should be proud of myself for having accomplished this on my own. (She had surgery to speed up her weight loss. I know that that in and of itself can be a struggle. It is also very difficult because your whole life is changed dramatically overnight. I don’t want to minimize her weight loss because she used that particular manner to speed things up. For some people, it is the only way they have to take control of their lives. Weight loss no matter what the means is difficult. End of story.) But the little girl in me wants to pout and declare it’s not fair. Such is life. I will continue to plug away until I hit my goal.
In other news, I am in the midst of training for my first triathlon. I have no idea what I have gotten myself into. Quite frankly, I am frightened of the thought. I know I will be fine and I will be able to do it. It is simply the fear of the unknown that has my heart racing at the thought of it.
The race is just under 3 weeks away. J.R. has agreed to do it with me. He swears I am trying to kill him with all the training I am putting him through. He’ll appreciate it come the day of the race. I do feel a bit bad, as we practically live at the gym. But I am hopelessly addicted to working out. I love every minute of it. This weekend we did one of the toughest rides I’ve done to date. The terrain wasn’t all that difficult, a few small hills here and there. However, we were hit with a brutal head wind that made each inch gained so very difficult. I survived and pedaled every inch of the way, even on that last hill, yelling at myself “You can do it!”